Oh Screech!

So we all know that Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved by the Bell) has a sex tape that you can buy. Several previews were leaked to the internet...I can't find any with sex but I did find this GEM on YouTube.

Please keep in mind that the man in this video is also the man in this picture.

Screech is involved in some sort of rape club where he and his "bros" have sex with ladies and they tally points per sexual acts. Acceptable if you play hockey and you are 16. If you're a former child actor (note I didn't write star) and are a struggling stand-up - you are a rapist.

On the video Screech brags about the following points:

- The fisheye. I literally didn't know what this meant - and I am a fucking dirtbag. So I looked it up on the interweb. According to http://www.encyclopedia-of-sex.com/ fisheye is "A slang term describing the situation when having intercourse with a woman from behind you start to put it in her ass, at which time she quickly snaps her head to the side and looks back at you with one eye (like a fish)." Oh, ok my joke about Screech being a rapist is now a fact. A fisheye is when you poke a girl in the rear WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE to elicit a STARE! Not only is it rapie, it is lame and stupid. Oh Screech. It is like the pull my finger trick only in a girl's butt.

- A Dirty Sanchez. We all know what this is. But I will defer to the Encyclopedia of Sex's definition for consistency. A Dirty Sanchez is "When the male partner sticks his finger in the female's ass and then wipes it across her upper lip, drawing a moustache." I didn't realize for the humiliation to be counted as a true Dirty Sanchez the moustache wearer had to be female. Consider me notified. (Also apparently none of the Dirty Sanchez's I have administered have counted...boo hoo.)

- This is the piece de resistance. Screech says "if you freeze frame on the BLUE JELLY DOUBLE DONG I believe there's POOP on the end of it." Ok. Let's just take a moment. All of us. I think it is a good time to recall that Screech the Poop Bragger is also the man in this picture.

Ok. The way Screech lingers on the word Poop truly fills my body with an untreatable cancer. He is vile. And the fact that he is unfuckably ugly does not help matters. Also I think when poop ends up on the end of a blue jelly double dong one should do the right thing and not mention it but discreetly take it to the bathroom to wash it as to not give anyone a bacteria infection. Safe sexual practices. Everyone wins!

- He refers to himself as the D-man. I think we all can agree it stands for Douchebag.

What an asshole.

Enjoy.