Weeping Openly

Something about this time of the year welcomes crying. It just feels good to cry. And I'm a pretty big crier. I will cry at anything. Old man in a diner eating jello alone. Boom - waterworks. A little girl with a cow-eyepatch underneath a pair of glasses - BOOM. I'm a mess.

But there is nothing like being alone in your home and crying while watching TV. In the last 2 weeks, I've cried while watching the following:

- Freaks and Geeks
- Peanuts Christmas Special
- Roman Holiday
- ER
- Law and Order
- Sweet Charity
- Project Runway
- Law and Order SVU
- Martha Stewart's Talk Show

This either makes me adorable or mentally ill. I will vote for the former.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Radio Show

I just got hired to host a radio talk show with my friend, Jake Fogelnest. I've done it a couple of times with Jake (radio not SEX) and it's been pretty fun. Radio makes people crazy. We had a lady call in - unprompted - to talk about her boyfriend who had a colostomy bag. Jake wanted to know about the romance. I wanted to know about the poop factor...and how much box-wine she had consumed.


Here are the details. I hope you listen! We are pretty funny. If funny means stupid.

Starting January 3rd, 2006
The Jake and Jackie Show with Jake Fogelnest and Jackie Clarke
Monday - Thursday 11 pm - 3 am
92.3 FREE-FM (the old K-Rock)
New York City

I have indecency training this week!
How cool!

Check out a preview show this Sunday, January 1 2006 from 10 pm - 2 am!

What is wrong with me?

Last night I put back a few after SHOWGIRLS and treated myself to a cab with 2 friends. When we came upon my stop, I told the cab driver to "slow down, I'll just jump out."

I mean...what the hell is wrong with me?

I'll take suggestions.

Playing with fire

I just ate the same exact sandwich that gave me incredible food poisoning a year ago. (Pret-a-Manger's chicken avocado) Let's see if it causes an intestinal explosion.

Fingers crossed!

*BLOG UPDATE* No food poisoning. I'm a gambler - who wins!

Media Challenge

I’ve been a little disappointed in the news media lately. It’s been all “news news news” – blech boring. Can’t the media find a missing or dead white girl for us to obsess over? How long as it been since Natalee Holloway went missing in Aruba? Months! That was over the summer. Sure, we’ve had the boycott threats but that isn’t enough to satisfy me. It’s winter. I’m cold. Bring me a missing or dead white girl to obsess over. And honestly, I’m not just asking for me. Our country NEEDS this. The only thing that can get America on the right track is another missing or dead white girl to obsess over. We can heal the wounds left by Katrina and Rita by finding a real Katrina or Rita, preferably in a ditch or in the trunk of a car.

So this is my challenge to the media. It’s December 5. Find me a missing or dead girl before Christmas. Think of yourselves as Santa and me as a very very good girl. She needs to be missing or dead. She needs to be white. I personally am non-discriminating when it comes to my missing or dead girls, but I know America really gets behind the white ones. And call me crazy, but I’m patriotic. The missing or dead girl doesn’t need to be blond but if she is…it would make me the happiest girl in the world! Who isn’t missing or dead.

Gobble Gobble

I spent the Thanksgiving with my family, and it was fun! Which is sort of a major statement for the Clarkes. The holiday season is generally not good for us. Bad things happen during the holidays: people die, affairs are revealed, death threats are levied. But this year the most dramatic and disturbing thing that happened was my 7 year-old nephew whipped out his penis and shouted, "Isn't it huge?" (No, it wasn't.)

One of the reasons that the holiday was relatively stress free is that the Clarke-elders (our parents) are out of the picture. This is one of the benefits to the whole "my stepmother sued us and my Dad did nothing" scandal from the spring. We got to spend Thanksgiving alone. And it only cost us $265,000! I did get an email from my father’s other mail order bride in the Philippines (who is actually quite a lovely woman as far as I can tell, but she hasn’t sued me, so that’s something…) and she said ‘my father missed us.’ Which, I know from all my years of “Law and Order” watching is hearsay and inadmissible.