AI Finale Review

I know I'm commenting on the American Idol season finale rather late in the game, but I only saw it last night. I don’t watch AI which makes me feel rather indie but also sad that I can’t keep up with most conversations. When my friend, John Flynn described the finale as an un-ironic Donny and Marie Osmond show sans Donny and Marie I said please save it and I'm coming over toot sweet.

We had weed, we had sparking wine, we had snacks. We were ready. As John said, “They have 2 minutes worth of information they need to drag out over 2 hours.” The party has begun.

It became clear pretty early on that the producers were going for a monochromatic look. My friends John and Jeff said that this was part of a ploy to make Mandisa look bad. To be fair, no matter what you put Mandisa in, that girl is going to look bad. She’s pushing 300 pounds. She wouldn’t look good in a hotel. She can sing yes. But come on. Time for Jenny Craig. I’m not dissing fat people. She will die if she doesn’t lose weight. This isn’t vanity. Although a little vanity would help this one out.

The highlight for me was the fierceness of Mary J Blidge who clearly said, “It is a solo, Eliott can harmonize and dance in the corner ALMOST out of frame. I will show up. I will wear white and I will do some fucking damage. Then I will leave.” MJB made me proud to be a black woman (who happens to be white). Clay Aiken was brave to wear his Liza Minelli wig onstage immediately after his chemical peel and sing a love song to a Golum-Clay. Way to dispel those homo-rumors, Clay.



Katharine McPhee’s Mom trying to out-cleavage her 22 year-old daughter in a gross sparkly top that went to her navel. I love the classiness of Southern California moms. And this woman has weird boobs. They are so far off to the side they sort of meet in the back. Ewww.

Didn’t Toni Braxton look like an insane elf? Jeff had a theory that MJB trash-talked her right after her set. I hope so. Toni Braxton is fine and all. But she’s a little dull.

Rhonetta’s caesarean scar. I swear you could see it. That and her unfocused cursing made me proud to be a woman. Crazy Dave Hoover FALLING off the stage in an unplanned fit of excitement.

The whole show reminded me of my Junior Miss days when a group of 18 year-old girls would dance with umbrellas and raincoats singing a medley of “Singing in the Rain” and “It’s Raining Men.” My friend John worked at Hershey Park for a summer and kept exclaiming, “It’s a themepark show…that 36 million people are watching. Forget Will and Grace, the AI finales are the gayest thing on TV. Sorry Fab 5.


And of course this...I love America!

Bathroom Reading?

My friend Bibi took me to a lovely garden party on Friday evening. All of the people were charming and lovely. And really really smart. We had Harvard grads, more than one Rhodes scholar. I was like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I graduated from a state school and I have a subscription to "US Weekly." I'm not that bright.

This is my bathroom reading material.









This is what the host was reading in the bathroom.










THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCTION OF EUROPE!

How did I get a picture of that? Well I am so white trash I brought my sidekick into the bathroom.

Oy vey!

More radio news

Continuing my tour as the Whore of FreeFM, I'm back on the JV and Elvis show on Tuesday, May 30 from 9am - 1pm. I filled in a few times last week and I am back this Tuesday.

TUNE IN!
In NYC is it 92.3 FREE FM
You can also listen online here http://www.923freefm.com/.


Read about my previous visits on the JV and Elvis blog. Comedian Paul Mooney was a guest on Friday and he was hilarious and told me I was too hip to be a white person. HEAR THAT! I'M BLACK!

Aaaaaaaauschwitz!

Thank you Defamer for this pic.
Wonder what the grab bags for the audience look like for this trip...

Here's a link to Defamer's wonderfully snarky coverage of this ad.

Clarke and Bonaduce

If you have ever wondered what Jackie Clarke and Danny Bonaduce would sound like if they had a radio show together, your dreams are about to come true!

We are doing 3 shows this week on FM radio! In NYC is it 92.3 FREE FM
You can also listen online here http://www.923freefm.com/.
We are on Monday (today) Tues and Wed 7 pm - 10 pm

I hope he doesn't kill me!

Grey Undies

So I was walking in Williamsburg one fine spring day when I came across a pair of filthy grey panties on the sidewalk. Me being me, I thought, "I need to take a picture of this." While I was composing my shot a man in a van asked me for directions and I didn't know exactly where e was going. So I apologized and went back to my nasty photography. The rest of the conversation went as follows:

HIM: You look beautiful today.
ME: Thank you
HIM: Can I have your phone number?
ME: Nope
HIM: Ok.

I will say to this man's credit I was looking a tad adorable that day. But it is kind of hard to look ugly mid-afternoon on a sunny spring day. But my favorite part of this non-pick up is how nonplussed he was by the rejection. This guy's approach to picking up ladies on the street is the same as Mel Brooks approach to comedy. Let's just throw a bunch of crap out and see what sticks.

Good News, Bad News, Christ

So the bad news is the radio show I co-hosted has been canceled. The good news is I have increased the amount of weeknight drinking I do four-fold.

I also attended the 1st Communion of my dear nephew, Troy. As with most Catholic ceremonies it was creepy and beautiful at the same time. It is Catholic custom for the kids - all 8 years old - to dress in all white. Which causes the boys to look like tiny disco mavens and the girls to look like JonBenet child brides. It's as if the Catholic church is trying to divert attention from the rampant molestation of young boys by offering up young girls as these perfect virgin whores.

Our church had a "no pictures" rule and even hired a professional photographer to take a picture of each child, which would be given to the parents free of charge. Which was great except several parents chose to ignore the rule. In the house of the lord. One particular suburban chubber with a bad haircut literally tackled a child trying to get a picture of her kid eating Jesus for the first time. I hate people who don't have experiences they only document them. And I hate women that don't run a comb through their hair and put on some gloss before going to their kids 1st Communion! And come on ladies; let's lose the pleats. They are like an arrow to the gut that says "I've had a cesarean."

That said, it was a beautiful ceremony. And being in the presence of true faith is always inspiring to a cynic like me.

The most bittersweet moment of the day is when Troy proclaimed that he "had gotten so much money it felt like a bar mitzvah." (He had just watched a Disney show that featured a bar mitzvah.) It was at that moment I really missed my father. My Dad would have truly appreciated the unintentional and undeniable subtle bigotry of that statement. It was then I truly missed my Dad. Too bad he's a bigamist asshole.